War Dog Lover

I’m a cat person.
Always wanted a cat.
Keep trying to convince
the dog lover of the house
that a cat isn’t too bad.
Besides, this cat,
my cat,
is soft, lovable, hugable,
purrs at your feet at night,
runs into walls,
gives you derpy looks–

and then fills the whole house
with the smell
of number two.

Like it wasn’t hard enough
that the dumb cat
couldn’t play catch
be trained to obey
or have blunted nails
instead of claws.
Good crap,
what is wrong
with his digestive system?
It’s not like I feed him
anything weird.

Code two.
Get your masks on.
Cat bomb’s been released,
because perish the thought
of burying your own poo
in scented cat litter
before the rest of us
get a whiff.
Code two, Code two.

The dog lover
smiles.

But I really still am
a cat lover.

…stupid animal.