Every other day or so I forget that I don't like people. And say, "why don't I like them?' As I prance into what I believe is a dream of friendship laughter, circles of multicolor happiness, and pink charm. Funny, how it takes the real deal to remind me: I don't like people For the … Continue reading More on Social Anxiety
Category: Life
I Don’t Want to Take My Medicine
8I don't want to take my medicine. I want to be able to choose for myself whether I'm frightened or not. But every hour asks me, 'do you think you need your drug?' It's weakness, that little orange bottle, filled with sedatives. I want to be strong. Normal. Have a chance to be proud. Not … Continue reading I Don’t Want to Take My Medicine
Catwoman vs. The Plig Dress
The hanger lied. The leather pants were not my size, and my cheeks ballooned like white mushroom tops above the black waistband, promising, and failing, to make me Catwoman. Nah. I'm a thick calved black pillar to hold up the white marshmellow balloons, so thick the band that won't swallow pushes them up to my … Continue reading Catwoman vs. The Plig Dress
One Day I Won’t Be Tired
One day I'll wake up. In a time when I figure out the perfect blend of drugs, the perfect ritual, the perfect layout of blankets, softness, pose, pillows, position of stars I'll wake up when I mean to and not fall back asleep, and the rest of the day will be open without trace or … Continue reading One Day I Won’t Be Tired
Cats and Colds
Sometimes I like to pretend my cat has feelings for me. Maybe it's because my cranium spouts mucous like the blowhole of a whale, and that, for some reason makes me yearn for feline affection. But colds aren't so bad. At least it isn't getting close and personal to the way God designed your innards … Continue reading Cats and Colds
When Did I Stop Believing?
When did I stop believing in myself? Was it when I turned my head away-- it seems for just a moment-- from my main work, the little one who bears my eyes, to write? Was it when I looked away from the page and realized I'm not that far from where I started? Was it … Continue reading When Did I Stop Believing?
Deeper Ink
I want my ink to be deep and wide that my words should look sure and unmovable, rather than a thin scrabbled mess meant for temporary notes and reminder. Perhaps then I'll have more say more control over what I write and how it moves my world. Perhaps, then, I'll adore those thick inky strokes … Continue reading Deeper Ink
I don’t like you, Mom
He thinks if he expresses how much he doesn't like me it will stop me from trying to be a good mom. Oh, my precious baby, I ache for the feel of a soft little head beneath my chin, and little fingers clasped about my own. They were my moments to worship you. Little, soft … Continue reading I don’t like you, Mom
Anxiety Doesn’t Care About Stories
Grasping at straws broken plastic cutting the divinating creases of my palm. Tell me live long and may your future be devoid of vomit. Crack open my skull, and peel back the membrane crushing me. I'm seeing. Hallucinating. What's real? You are real, but am I? Nails, through my ears Temples, where God waits on … Continue reading Anxiety Doesn’t Care About Stories
Dear Daily Burn
Dear Daily Burn advertisements, Please stop making me feel fat. Sincerely, I am not fat...right?
Author T.S. Lowe 