Maybe I can bloom into my imagined homes of green gardens and gentle streams filed with jewels for the pleasure of little hands. Precious hands. May I walk among those waters to offer glittering light to the wonder of my little loves? Come. May I call you ‘precious’ and love all your happy times and … Continue reading Crazy House Poem #3
It’s hard to think deeply unsettled as shells half-baked and empty on the sand. Only fingers can change my view. Otherwise, I can only wait the eons between high and low sea tides. Even then, no life hangs to my sides, though it was life that I came to be.
I crouch in a dark room. Sun closed off. Sky closed off. Curtains, keep all sight away, because my chest is painfully tight and a hole is burning through me for no reason, and it blisters against the thoughts screaming "Why?" But there's really no answer to that. Or an answer too large to hold, … Continue reading Off Kilter
Scrape me off till I'm just bone, no muscles left to ache. Leave me limp on somewhere soft and in the sun to bake. Pop my joints, let nothing stick to aggravate or scorn. And when I'm done resting in peace, put me back once more.
Nodding off to the tappity-tap, bobbing with a string-played song, I shake off my chains. The chains that make my stomach hurt, my head buzz, and my heart quaver at what the future could hold. I don't want to give in give up control to the sticky way fear holds tight to me. Hissing, writhing, … Continue reading Tappity-tap
Tell me how to strip away my skull to get to the broken bits within. The twisted wires that connect me to the overwhelming want for darkness, for nonexistence, for my flesh to peel off, because I cannot survive with just bone. Tell me there's a strip of hope I'm not seeing, one strong enough … Continue reading A Strip Away
What do I do now, Father? The die's been cast the game now bought and the red numbers higher than ever, while I, here, have no hands-on in controlling the flow of money. Blank, hard, cold cash. It hurts the lack thereof, but hurts more than I even want it at all. There is no … Continue reading Wake Me Up When I’m Smarter
I don't believe in mama memes. I'm self-sufficient, I'm twenty-three! And have a baby of my own. But Mom still calms my scary nights. Any mountain I can climb. I don't need help! So get away! Because I am strong. But I still need Mom to tell me so. I will not crumble, to anything, … Continue reading For Mother’s Day
It's being afraid that everyone is getting ready to tell you you're wrong. Wrong in how you think, wrong in what you do, wrong in how you live, wrong in what you believe, wrong in what you know, wrong for just existing, but most of all, wrong for what you feel-- and having no logical … Continue reading Social Anxiety
Rationalize the irrational sick brain. It says 'die' tell it 'no.' But a thought is still a thought, both 'die' and 'no,' leaving the heart alone in the chest, craving, craving. Only death really ends it. Now there's a reason. Rationalize that irrational screaming. They'll leave no love no warmth no peace the world's a … Continue reading Is This Mental Illness?