On Panic Attacks

Keep the light on.
The darkness scares
the little in the old me,
and I have forgotten how
to tame it.
Leave the light on,
forget the electric bill,
and let me sleep
just for a night
beneath that glow.
Keep the light on,
just while I sleep.

In night and darkness
I am alone.
No one will come to my aid
maybe not even if I scream,
for no one will forgive me
for screaming
if it’s not worth the breath.
It’s just not right manners
for the mature,
the respectable.
One should much rather
struggle alone
against the building creatures
hiding in the dark
when you’re trying to become
your most vulnerable.

But keep on the light.
Let me curl beneath it’s glow
and forget that it’s night.
Let me sleep in light
and imagine it is a loving Father
from a Celestial plane
who watches over me.
A Father who will not shrug off
the fears and panics
of my heart.
A loving God who will not
think less of me,
because I cry out in panic,
in the sheer terror
of being alone and afraid to die.

So, please,
keep on the light.
At least, just for tonight.
Keep on the light.